I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
