Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
soo... how was my night?
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