i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can you bring me the toilet please
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
