sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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