I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How does one acquire holy water?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
