Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
