Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i out mim tonsoeep
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