Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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