apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This baby is an asshole
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
