I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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