I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
