...so i touched it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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