Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
