I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
