Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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