You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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