Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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