Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
