How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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