singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
