The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
