just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my poor anus
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
