It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
