dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
