Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
