I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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