that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
