its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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