I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
