Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
