I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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