Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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