Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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