I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
