it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize