I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
