Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
