Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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