I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
