The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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