Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
