He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
