I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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