Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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