imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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