Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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