Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
