how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
