i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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