I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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