so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you traded sex for a burrito?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
