Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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