smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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