By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
