im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
