so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
