i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
