Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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