WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
