There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
