Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
