What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
