margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize