My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He shit in the fireplace
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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