He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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