So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize