take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
