you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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