There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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