I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
